Hello, Friends

It has been a while since I have posted regularly, but that needs to—and will—change.

So much has happened of late. It sounds like a cliche, but it’s truth.

I’m looking for a full-time job. This in and of itself is a full-time job. It has been testing my patience, trust, and all those thing that trying times do to you. They try you. They are TRYING to get you to surrender. I think that’s what that is.

Here’s how I have been thinking about it. I was telling a friend over the weekend I am trying to bring to my situation what we call in yoga a balance of effort and ease. I need to put some degree of consistent effort into the process, but I also have to balance it with ease and some surrender. That I’ve done my part. I did the application, the cover letter, the resume, the references, the interview, or whatever it is. And then I have to just let it go. That is the toughest part, because that is when the brain wants to kick in and sabotage all that hard soul-level work by remembering all the things you forgot to say or do or “should” have done.

Earlier last week, my brain was really running roughshod over my feelings, trying to convince me of all sorts of things. The brain can be such a bully, and it thinks it’s in charge. It really WANTS to be in charge. But there are other forces and elements at work, always, and the brain doesn’t like to lose control. Because if it can problem solve its way out of a paper bag, it will. But dang it, that’s not always a helpful approach. This is something I have learned. I do much better in life when I TRUST the process and don’t overthink it. I just go with it, I listen to my intuition and do what I feel is right. I usually then am rewarded in some regard, but rewarded sounds like an ego-driven word. Like I’m getting a cookie for doing the right thing. (I’d take a cookie, thanks.) What I mean to say is that I receive some element of validation that I’m on the right track.

What if it’s just a matter of trusting that the situation is going to be handled and taken care of, that the Universe, God, spirit, etc., will not let you down, and then letting it go? What if it’s just as easy—and difficult—as all that? We struggle with this, of course, at times, and that is part of the process. Trials clear us out for what is next for our growth and for what we are best aligned with.

As my sister told me, every time she got laid off (it’s been a few), she’s landed somewhere that puts a better, more fine point on what she feels she wants to do with her life. We are often thrust into change, but trusting that the changes are for the best isn’t always easy when you’re living on a strict budget of unemployment and doling out savings like it’s gold and you have to move in a few months and you’re cooking the most remedial, basic dinners because they are cheap. What I really want? Land the perfect job in perfect timing (IE RIGHT NOW), live somewhere for more than a year, and go to the grocery store and just buy things for recipes I’ve never tried. If you’re me, that is your idea of splurging. (Or going somewhere on a trip. Even a short one. I won’t even utter the word vacation; it’s been several years since that happened.)

We are accustomed to life being full of drama and ups and downs, and yes, sometimes it is. But think of this. How much of this drama do we create and then perpetuate ourselves through worry, stress, anxiety, and self-doubt? Sometimes these things serve us a bit—I don’t mean to denigrate negative emotions and just spout toxic positivity here (You’ll never get a “suck it up, buttercup” from me). Instead, it goes back to that old adage my dad taught me when I was a kid, that many of you probably know, too: It’s not what happens in life, it’s how you respond to it that makes a difference. Most of the time, we’re conditioned to sort of hit the panic button. It takes active practice to reel yourself in. I’d say I’m successful 60 to 80 percent of the time. But it’s by no means permanent. This is total flux, people. We can curtail the drama we create with our responses, sometimes more easily than others. And sometimes there are cosmic forces that are propelling you to feel all those feels.

But let’s get back to this faith situation. And it’s not a blind faith in something, necessarily. You’ve done the work to get where you are. How often do we just intuitively know the unvarnished truth at the heart of a situation, but it’s hard to trust it will show itself in a way that we recognize? OFTEN.

I find myself actively arresting a thought that will derail me from this path of believing it will all work out. It’s like the equivalent of putting your hands on your ears and going “I CAN’T HEAR YOU! NO NO NO NO NO!”

A little comic relief, yes.

Right now, I’m waving the white flag in surrender, universe. Bring it all on. All the good things, please and thank you, and I’ll get to work making a difference.

What color is the flag of victory, though? I haven’t found it yet, but I’ll know it when I see it—and feel it.